What is the secret of living in the same space harmoniously and happily with another person? Forget his smelly socks lying around? Or are you used to each other wearing nothing and wandering around? Emma Jane Unsworth, the author, shared her experience in the Guardian after living with people for three times. It’s not just for couples!
This article is compiled and slightly abridged. Source: Guardian
Two people can do many things together, especially in reducing the cost of living. However, it also means that you must spend more time communicating with each other, and at the same time, increase the chances of dealing with daily chores in your daily life. Of course, there are some things that must be done when the time comes, but there are also some things that are not, but as long as you live together, you must face them.
This is the fourth time I’ve moved in 15 years, and I live with different people every time. It sounds terrible, but it also taught me a lot of tricks to live with people. Before this fourth "cohabitation" life began, I sorted out my 10 experiences and decided to strictly abide by them.
Rule number one: In any way, everything before should be cleared.
There is really no place to argue about good taste, but since you live together, you must show your aesthetic cultivation in this space. As for good or bad, let’s talk about it. The reason for doing this is to make yourself feel comfortable in this space on the one hand, and to declare your sovereignty on the other hand, to tell others that you have occupied this place, and don’t make other fantasies. It’s hard to do this, but you can achieve this goal with the help of external forces. In particular, I would like to remind you that if you are moving to live with your lover, you must clean up the things of the object before ta, whether it is decorations or anything else. This is not a narrow-minded temper, but for future consideration.
Let me give you an example. My ex-boyfriend likes crows very much. Once I walked into his bedroom and found a lifelike crow pad on the pillow, which almost scared me to death. I didn’t throw away the mat directly, but sent a circle of friends, and the result was a curse. After that, he spontaneously changed the mat and never appeared in bed again.
Article 2: Try every means to share housework with each other.
One of my predecessors once told me that he found that keeping the house tidy was not only a very stressful thing, but also a mess of his life. So you see, cleaning is really something that everyone is unwilling to do. As long as there is an opportunity, everyone wants to be lazy, unless you are a Virgo, or you are crazy about Mr. Wittmann painted on the cleaner.
If you two are rich enough, ask an aunt to clean it. But if the money is not enough, you must share the housework with each other. Don’t think it’s easy for me to stand and talk. This is a very important point, because if you always do all the housework by yourself, you will end up with a lot of complaining emotions, which are not good for the relationship between two people.
Rule 3: Don’t always suppress yourself.
It may not be good to put this in, but you must know that a life that is too depressing is not good for you. Although you must learn to accept another individual who is different from you, including ta’s habits, diet, and even body, it doesn’t mean that you have to put up with it when you can’t stand it.
One of my friends once had a short relationship with a boy for nine months. During these nine months, they once went to a luxury shepherd’s cabin for the weekend to experience the so-called common life. This luxurious cabin only has a bed about one meter long, and the toilet is not a common toilet. It just dug a hole in the ground and installed a funnel. As for the rest, it is natural to guess by imagination. Soon, my friend and this boy separated. My other friend went to the doctor several times because of chronic stomachache a few weeks after she moved in with her boyfriend, and the doctor told her that it was because she always caught cold with the wind.
I’m not saying that you have to live a loose life or carry it all the time, but you must have an environment to keep yourself relaxed and comfortable, right? This is the bottom line and must be observed.
Article 4: Don’t steal food.
My first life experience of living together with others was learned in college. I was studying in Liverpool at that time, and one day when I went to the public kitchen to get my dinner, I found that someone had stolen the potatoes I had heated in the oven. At that time, my first reaction was that Susan stole my food, because I saw her in the corridor, and she also put her coat near her stomach. Although she looked no different from her stomachache, it seemed to me that she had stolen something and didn’t want to be found. I immediately went to argue with her angrily, but as you can guess, she denied it. I knew she was lying, but because there was no evidence, I could only be angry with myself.
Although this incident made me very angry, after eating a canned tuna, it went away. Although I don’t want to keep in touch with such people at all in essence, I know that my ideas are not consistent with secular concepts. So I tried to keep throwing food into the refrigerator, and don’t deliberately count how many tea bags I left outside. Soon I got used to it, and I figured it out. Calculating spending money won’t make you poor, but haggling over a tea bag or potato won’t make your life better, and it may even make you angry because of other people’s behavior.
I am very grateful to that girl for making me understand this truth when I was a student, but I still want to tell you not to steal from others. By the way, we can get in touch again, Susan, but only if you give me back the potatoes that you stole from me.
Article 5: Open your mind to new things.
Many times, you will find that the change of life is not entirely under your control, and the lifestyle of others will inadvertently bring you many influences. I am very grateful to my ex-roommate Eden, who brought "Rupert’s drag queen show" into my life. You know, I would never watch this kind of program before. Under my influence, my best friend Alison tried spaghetti with green sauce and almost licked the bottom of the bowl the first time. It is said that now she has become a heavy fan of spaghetti with green sauce, and it is not enough to eat it less than once a week. You see, how natural it is to influence each other. You just have to open your mind and accept it.
Article 6: You have to tolerate some incredible actions of the other party.
Perhaps you can sum up this view as learning to compromise. My mother checks the plugs every night before going to bed to make sure that each one has been unplugged. This seems to be obsessive-compulsive disorder, but I know that the incident that the toaster spontaneously burned down the kitchen because the plug was not unplugged before left a shadow in her heart. Of course, as a housewife, she also listened to what others said that it would waste a lot of electricity to stay overnight with the plug plugged in, and no matter how I explained it, she didn’t believe me.
My father doesn’t mind my mother’s crazy behavior in my opinion at all. Because everyone will have their own habits, and they will also do something that others think is incredible or even ridiculous. Therefore, if you live with others, you should learn to tolerate and understand these actions.
Rule 7: Don’t let your pet take precedence over your lover.
The existence of animals is very subtle. Some people love these furry creatures very much, while others especially hate to see them appear in their living space. Of course, sometimes these creatures may cause allergic reactions in some people. I like cats very much myself. For me, if I can’t keep cats where I live, it’s simply hell. However, the reason why my last intimate relationship ended was also related to the cat, because it always slept on the bed unscrupulously, and even once it peed on the down quilt. Such a move made my ex-boyfriend unbearable and directly led to the painful ending of breaking up.
Although I still think that people who don’t like living with animals such as cats and dogs have no love, you should not regard them as more important than your lover, at least there should be no fewer rules.
Article 8: You must have a TV at home.
Television and internet are essential! Before, my roommate and I both thought that TV and the Internet were external things. In order to be more efficient, we directly abandoned these two things outside our lives, but after a short month, we found that we were all wet, so we decisively opened the Internet first, and then settled the TV. Of course you can say "I can read", but I want to ask you, have you touched your conscience? Books are a good adjustment to life, but when you are eating takeout, do you really spend your time reading? Especially when those variety shows suitable for the whole family to watch together are broadcast at night, if you can really read books, I can only say that you are tough enough. By the way, if your house has a good sound insulation effect, it’s not bad to buy another karaoke machine.
Article 9: Don’t suppress your dissatisfaction.
Suffering from discontent is the prelude to the death of love. You must learn to tell your roommates in a clever way that you are dissatisfied with what they have done and bad habits that you don’t like, because many times, they don’t know the consequences of their actions.
I have a terrible bad habit. I throw my used dirty cups wherever I go. I didn’t realize this problem until I lived alone, because all the cups at home have piled up on the windowsill from the sink, and there is no clean cup available. So I called my ex-boyfriend and asked him if he knew my problem. "Well, yes, you have this problem, and I am used to wiping your ass after you." "Do you hate me?" I can’t help asking. "Well, I don’t think I hate it, but I hate your habit very much." At the same time when the alarm went off, I thought, if there was no such problem, maybe we wouldn’t have broken up two months ago.
Article 10: Recognize the true meaning of romance.
Life is short, youth is fleeting, and only true love is the most precious. If you have found true love, then living in the same room will let you experience the true meaning of romance. The frequency of dating is getting lower and lower, and the charm of distance is gradually dissipating, but life is always colorful. In this brand-new situation, you may find other charms of the other party.
Tell you a story. Before my boyfriend and I decided to live together, I gave him a set of keys to my apartment so that he could come to my house at any time when I was at work. There are two doors inside and outside my house, but sadly, the keys of these two doors look exactly the same. I often complain about taking the wrong key, and sometimes I even kick the door on purpose to vent my emotions, which is not uncommon to disturb my neighbors. For this reason, he specially bought me a two-color key chain from the hardware store and told me which door key was hung on the blue and gold key chains respectively. Since then, I have never missed the door. I always feel that life has become much easier with him around. You may think this story is boring, but if it is not romantic, then I really don’t know what romance is.
