标签： 上海品茶

30 humorous jokes, all of which are hilarious and specialize in unhappiness.

01.

A friend invited me to dinner, and when I paid the bill, I saw that he was very slow to pay, so I said, "Otherwise, I’ll pay!" "

"That how not bashful!"

"Nothing." So I put my hand into his pocket.

02.

At night, I can see many takeaway brothers rushing to deliver food, and suddenly feel very inspirational.

Others are still eating so late,What reason do I have not to eat?

03.

The husband came home from a business trip for a month and heard a noise in the room.

Pushing open the door and entering the room, I saw my wife running to the bathroom quickly.

The husband seemed to understand something and strode to the bedroom, as if the window were open.

However, living on the twentieth floor, my husband went to the window, saw the man and pushed him down in anger.

At that time, the wife also went to the window:"Mom, what about the master who repairs air conditioners?"

04.

Xiaoli went to the gym to lose weight, and everyone else was running hard on the treadmill, only she walked slowly.

She called the coach and shouted angrily, "Why can’t I run on this treadmill?"

The coach looked at her and said helplessly:"This has been opened to the maximum, and it becomes so slow as soon as you go up …"

05.

A few days ago, my throat was inflamed and I couldn’t speak, but the company leader asked me to take part in the chorus competition, saying that I could just fill in the numbers.

I didn’t feel so good, so I actively treated it and cured it before the game.

As a result, the game lost, and the leader sighed:"Why did you catch up with your voice at this time?"

06.

When I was a child, every time I walked at night, I felt someone following me.

As a result, I got into the habit of suddenly turning around after a few steps.

Ten years later, I became a tango dance teacher.

07.

On the operating table, the doctor is preparing to operate on the patient.

At this time, the patient glanced at the doctor, suddenly became nervous and shouted, "Somebody!" "

The doctor’s assistant came over and asked, "What are you yelling about and what are you doing?"

The patient said, "I want to change the surgeon."

"Why?"

In a trembling voice, the patient said to the doctor’s assistant, "I handle false certificates, and I handle his documents."

08.

When I went to my girlfriend’s house for the first time, I wanted to liven up the atmosphere and I was going to tell you a joke.

My girlfriend’s father said sternly, "There is a rule in my family that you can’t talk while eating."

Later, I came and went more often, and I became familiar with it. Every time I ate, my girlfriend’s father listened to my jokes.

The girlfriend asked her father in a low voice, "Have you forgotten our rules?"

Girlfriend father also quietly said:"This goods eat too fast, don’t let him talk, we have nothing to eat!"

09.

Daughter-in-law is busy doing housework at home, while husband is lying on the sofa playing mobile phone.

The child came up to his father and said, "Dad, you are amazing. I really admire you."

Dad said, "Why?"

The child said, "You are really capable of marrying such a good wife, being able to cook and do housework, having a good temper and making money, and being so beautiful."

After listening to this, Dad looked very pleased with himself.

At that time, the child went to his mother and said:"Mom, you can’t, see what you married?"

10.

I used to think that sincerity was priceless until later, when I went shopping.

The boss said:"If you really want it, I’ll give you two yuan cheaper."

11.

I saw an old man selling glasses on the roadside, and there were few people, so I wanted to support him.

He casually asked, "Grandpa, how much are these glasses?"

Grandpa said, "Girl, that doesn’t suit you. You have a big face. This one is more suitable for you."

I finally know why no one patronizes his business.

12.

One day, the wife suddenly asked her husband, "Do you love me?"

"Love, of course!" The husband’s desperate answer.

So, the wife thought about it and asked, "Are you afraid of hurting me, so you said it on purpose?"

Husband hurriedly added:"No, no, no, I’m afraid you’ll hurt me, so I said that!"

13.

A couple came to a law firm and wanted to talk to a lawyer about divorce.

The wife said angrily to the lawyer, "He still doesn’t understand why I want a divorce. From marriage to now, he never listens to what I say."

Husband immediately went on to say:"You are talking nonsense. You said you would come to the law firm this time. Didn’t I come?"

14.

You and your best friend have not seen each other for a long time.

Today, we met for dinner, and it was a pleasure to meet each other.

I talked intimately for 5 minutes and spoke ill of 10 people.

15.

Cloudy days are suitable for staring blankly, and rainy days are suitable for sleeping.

Sunny days are suitable for traveling, and in the long years,

I cann’t believe there’s not a day suitable for work

16.

There is a friend who runs a hotel, and I went there to have tea and chat.

During this period, a couple came to register the house. When the woman came in, she asked, "What is your wireless network password here?"

When they finished registering and went upstairs, the friend said:"Sister now, I have seen her for more than ten times, and she still pretends to be here for the first time."

17.

Today, I went shopping and passed a pancake stall. I felt that the boss’s pancake stall was interesting, so I silently watched it.

After a long time, the boss made another pancake, threw it directly, and said to me, "Get out, get out."

I got angry at that time, grabbed the pancake and ate it hard.

Eat and scold said:"You wait, I will come again!"

18.

A beautiful woman got off the taxi and left her camera in the back seat.

The driver quickly put his head out of the window and shouted at the beauty:"Beauty, your camera."

The beauty turned red and left without looking back.

Then, the taxi driver drove away directly.

As a result, the beauty chased the taxi and shouted, "Master, my camera, my camera!" "

19.

Four dreams that men want:

There is a cook at home and a beautiful one in the office.

There is a bitch around, and there is a miss in the distance.

20.

One day, I suddenly asked my mother, "Mom, what am I to you?"

Mom gave me a look and said:"You are mom’s mental retardation!"

21.

It’s been half a month. Why haven’t you delivered the goods?

Dear, we will deal with it as soon as possible. Please be patient.

Dear, the goods have been delivered to you here. Would you please cancel the complaint?

"Ok, please wait patiently!"

I will handle it as soon as possible, dear.

22.

Dear friends, please take care of yourself.

Medical students who have taken online courses for four years next year.

I’m going to see you.

23.

Son, what will you do if you don’t get married?

Dad, I really don’t want to get married. I’m tired of seeing women.

Does that mean your mother is annoyed when you see it?

Aren’t you bored?

"Here, there are some."

24.

Mom said that when I was a child, I wouldn’t cry when I drank milk, and I would sleep peacefully.

As a result, I fainted when I grew up drinking milk. I went to the hospital for a check-up and was allergic to milk.

"When I was a child, I just passed out!"

25.

Brother, how come your electric car is dead, and now it can’t ride.

I know the battery is running out.

Huh? Then why didn’t you tell me when I used it?

I didn’t say much because I was afraid that you would misunderstand me and say that I was stingy and didn’t want you to ride a bike.

26.

Sleeping late and staying in bed is the minimum respect for weekends.

I woke up at this point if I didn’t play well today.

It was my fault.

27.

The Chinese New Year is coming soon. Those with family groups can give me a hand.

It’s the kind that always gives out red envelopes during the New Year.

Money is not important.

The important thing is to be a family.

28.

When I was in college, I liked a girl. In order to express my love for her, I ordered two cups of milk tea every day, one for her and one for me.

Milk tea is sweet, and her smile is sweeter.

So I persisted every day, and finally one day, the two of us lived together.

This feeling is very wonderful. Two people live in a ward because of high blood sugar!

29.

How’s your new job going?

Just a few days after I went there, I became one with my colleagues.

Really? I was worried that you didn’t adapt.

What is there to worry about?I can fight so well that I won’t suffer.

30.

My girlfriend always dislikes me here and me there. What about your girlfriend?

My girlfriend doesn’t care about you at all. Why do you have nothing to ask my girlfriend?

Besides, I have to have a girlfriend first!

# Humorous jokes # # Cold jokes #

Old National Geographic photos： Learn about baseball.

This is the Louisville Baseball Factory in 1929, which has been making baseball bats from ash wood since 1884. Nowadays, climate change may harm ash forests, because rising temperatures make small beetles flourish and destroy branches.
Photography: Edwin L. Wisherd, National Geographic

Old National Geographic photos: Learn about baseball.

This photo was taken in 1913. A baseball game in the Philippines attracted many onlookers. In the same year, a Philippine baseball team visited the United States, and The Washington Post claimed that they were more talented than most American players.
Photography: Dean C. Worcester, National Geographic

Old National Geographic photos: Learn about baseball.

This 1923 photo shows the baseball field on the wing of the Oval Square in the White House. Since William Howard Taft’s term, every American president will throw the first ball at the beginning of the season. But in fact, it was not until 1993 that President Bill Clinton really threw the ball at home plate.
Photography: U.S. ARMY AIR SERVICE

Old National Geographic photos: Learn about baseball.

This photo was taken in 1919, and it was from this time that the baseball uniform officially entered an orderly improvement. Tight trousers have become the style of competition clothes nowadays, but some players still like traditional knee-length shorts. In addition, since 1932, the player number has been printed on the back of the competition suit.
Photography: Paul Thompson, National Geographic

Old National Geographic photos: Learn about baseball.

In the summer of 1953, men played baseball on the frozen Bering Sea. In the history of Major League Baseball, the coldest game was on April 23rd, 2013, between the Colorado Rockies and the Atlanta Braves. The temperature at the kick-off was only five degrees below zero. As a result, the Warriors won the game with a score of 10: 2. Surprisingly, some players in the Warriors have never seen the snow with their own eyes.
Photography: U.S. COAST GUARD

Old National Geographic photos: Learn about baseball.

During a baseball game in Japan in 1960, a man sold hot dogs during the dinner. According to legend, this tradition began in 1893 when Chris Von der Ahe, the owner of the St. Louis Browns, sold sausages during the game. Today, Major League Baseball sells more than 20 million hot dogs every year.
Photography: Winfield Parks, National Geographic

Old National Geographic photos: Learn about baseball.

A minor league baseball player kissed his wife before the game. The league consists of 240 teams, of which only 10% players can enter Major League Baseball.
Photography: William Albert Allard, National Geographic

Old National Geographic photos: Learn about baseball.

These monks, from Gambo Temple in Nova Scotia, Canada, are practicing hard for the annual softball competition. For many years, the Buddhist temple has been celebrating Canada’s National Day by competing softball with local volunteer fire brigades.
Photography: Steve McCurry, National Geographic

Old National Geographic photos: Learn about baseball.

The World Series of Little League Baseball is held in South Williamsport, Pennsylvania, every August. Boys and girls are between the ages of 9 and 12. Eight American teams and eight foreign teams are allowed to participate in the tournament. The team from Taiwan Province Province of China won the championship for 17 times, which is the record holder.
Photography: William T. Douthitt, National Geographic

Old National Geographic photos: Learn about baseball.

What moments do you remember when bidding farewell to the 2019 Basketball World Cup？

After 21,600 minutes of fierce competition, the 2019 Basketball World Cup came to an end at the Wukesong Gymnasium in Beijing. Looking back on the past 360 hours, some people cried, some laughed, some were annoyed and some were annoyed. Recall the scenes of the game that happened in the past 15 days and bid farewell to the 2019 Basketball World Cup. Do you still remember those moments?
This damn sideline serve
First of all, as a native of China, the most memorable moment of this World Cup is the damn sideline service. Back to 20 o’clock on September 2, 2019, almost all China fans who love basketball are looking forward to it in front of the TV, expecting China to win two consecutive victories over Poland.
12.5 seconds before the end of the regular time, China once held a 3-point lead. After the time-out, they chose the "penalty tactics" that didn’t consume time to send their opponents to the free throw line. After the successful service in the backcourt, they should have waited for the opponent to foul but took the initiative to pause. After the time-out, qi zhou made a fatal mistake in serving the sideline ball and passed it directly to the opponent. The Polish team dragged the game into overtime.
9.8 seconds before the end, China defender Zhao Jiwei violated the rule of serving the sideline ball for 5 seconds and lost the ball right. In the end, China lost to the Polish team 76-79, giving away the easy victory.
China team lost to free throws, touchlines and time-outs, and lost to the word "details" which is talked about day and night. The basic skills are the simplest and the most difficult. The simple thing is action, but the difficult thing is practice day after day.
Spain won the championship again
In the just-concluded basketball World Cup finals, Spain beat Argentina 95-75, winning the World Cup with a record of eight victories.
It is worth mentioning that Spain’s Pau Gasol defeated Argentina in the final. He won both the NBA championship and the World Cup championship in the same year, and achieved a bumper harvest of the highest honor of the club and the national team in the same year.
In the 2018-19 season, Pau Gasol averaged 30.6 minutes on behalf of the Toronto Raptors in the playoffs, scoring 9.4 points, 6.4 rebounds, 3.0 assists, 0.88 steals and 1.08 blocks to help the Raptors win the championship.
This is the second time in the history of the Spanish men’s basketball team to win the World Cup (including its predecessor, the World Championships). The last time they won the championship was 13 years ago. At the World Championships held in Japan in 2006, they beat Greece 70-47 in the final. In the Olympic Games, the Spanish men’s basketball team won the runner-up three times, namely the Los Angeles Olympic Games in 1984, the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008 and the London Olympic Games in 2012.
Kobe, your prediction has come true.
I have to say that Kobe Bryant, a famous NBA player, is really accurate in other aspects besides having a son.
On October 31, 2018, Kobe officially became the global ambassador of the 2019 FIBA Basketball World Cup. In the promotional film he shot, Kobe said the classic sentence: "Team USA, don’t think you are stable." As a result, after 315 days, the American team was eliminated by the French team in the eight-to-four competition, and their 58-game winning streak in international official competitions was ended. This is also the first time in 13 years that the United States lost in the World Series. The last time it lost, it was traced back to the semi-final of the 2006 World Championships (the predecessor of the Basketball World Cup). The United States lost to Greece 95-101.
In fact, this American team was not optimistic from the beginning for many reasons. First, the big-name stars quit one after another before the start of the game, which led to the so-called dream of the 13 th team. Second, the United States team assembled for a short time and did not fully establish a chemical reaction with each other; Third, after putting out a small lineup, the attack didn’t go as smoothly as expected, and the defense suffered from the loss of body and rebounds.
Before the August 4th competition, American team coach Popovich was interviewed. When asked about the American team’s early qualification for the Olympic Games, he said, "One of our purposes here is to get tickets for the Tokyo Olympic Games. In fact, the national team has tasks every year. For example, Jeff Van Gundy’s task when he coached the United States was to break through the qualifiers, and now we are finally through the Olympic Games. We are very happy."
Ok, now I am very much looking forward to the 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games, waiting for the "The Avengers" composed of NBA superstars to wipe out other teams all over the world.
He may bid farewell to the Olympic Games.
For many seniors, such as Brazil’s Barbosa and Garcia, Argentina’s Scola, Iranian’s Haddadi and bahrami, this may be their last basketball World Cup. As the saying goes, if the country is selfish, it will live or die, and it will be avoided because of misfortune. They work hard on the field to make people feel distressed, just to help the national team go further and further. They regard all games as the last game of their careers.
For China team leader Yi Jianlian, this may be his last World Series (Olympic Games, World Cup). At 8: 00 pm on September 8th, China welcomed the last match of this World Cup in Guangzhou, against the Nigerian team with four NBA players. In this game, Yi Jianlian gave everything for the China team and contributed 27 points, 6 rebounds and 2 assists in 25 minutes, including 8 of 10 two-point shots and 2 of 4 three-point shots. Every point he got propped up China’s last hope and face, but his fists were lost to four hands, and China lost to his opponent 73-86, losing the ticket to the Olympic Games directly and falling into the abyss of the play-offs of the 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games.
Two minutes and 57 seconds before the end, Yi Jianlian fought for the backboard in the backcourt despite his injured ankle, but because no one answered, he was robbed and dunked by his opponent. The United Arab League spread out his hands towards his teammates and bent down to beat the floor hard. It was the moment when Nigeria killed the suspense of the game. After the game, Yi Jianlian’s distant back looks so lonely and desperate.
32-year-old, 15-year national team career, 4-time Olympic Games participation experience … The stage of Tokyo Olympic Games should be Yi Jianlian’s curtain call performance as a veteran of the 5 th Olympic Games. But the cruel reality tells us that we have only one Yi Jianlian. Who can take his torch in the future?
Isn’t this a mirror image?
Football fans once joked that England is the European China team, so basketball fans can say that Turkey is the European China team in this year’s Basketball World Cup. The progress of the two teams in the group stage is almost identical. Isn’t this a mirror image?
In the opening match, China beat C? te d ‘Ivoire and Turkey beat Japan. In the second game, China and Poland fought overtime, but China once again made a throw-in error and lost 3 points. Turkey and the United States also fought until the overtime decisive moment, but all the free throws at the last moment missed by 1 point. In the final match of the group stage, China lost to Venezuela, while Turkey lost to the Czech Republic. Both teams missed the top 16 of the World Cup.
It is worth mentioning that in the second world war of the group stage, China was dragged into overtime because of Zhou Qi’s foul on the sideline, while Turkey was dragged into overtime because of Osman’s three-point foul.
China wasted an excellent signing, while Turkey wasted a chance to go down in history. If one sentence is used to evaluate these two teams, it is "it’s useless to give you a chance!"
Brother Alphabet: I’m too difficult.
Who would have thought that the Greek team led by NBA MVP Yannis Adetokunbo last season didn’t reach the World Cup quarter-finals? Greece, known as one of the favourites to win the championship before the game, lost in the second stage group stage. In the match between the Greek team and the Czech team, they must win at least 12 points in order to get the advantage in the small-scale competition with the Czech team and Brazil and get the chance to qualify. The Greek team tried their best. Although they won the game 84-77, they failed to advance to the quarter-finals.
Under the rules of FIBA (there is no 3-second defense limit), the weakness of "Letter Brother" in poor projection is exposed. The opponent locked him up by double-teaming and the center standing in the basket. Czech top star Satoransky said: "He is undoubtedly the best player in the world, almost unstoppable under the NBA system, but the international arena is a completely different game, and we can limit him and beat him under this system." The "letter brother" trapped in singles can only find opportunities by passing the ball. It is worth mentioning that every time this happens, his outside teammates seem to have lost their sight.
Back to September 9th, with 5 minutes and 32 seconds left in the fourth quarter, Adetokunbo, the "Letter Brother", pushed the defensive player to make a layup in the fast break, but the referee penalized Brother Letter for an offensive foul. "Brother Letter" got the fifth personal foul in this game and had no choice but to leave.
At that moment, he shook his head helplessly, as if to say, "I am too difficult!" "
Fairy fights are really beautiful.
Also on September 9, the second stage of the group stage ushered in the final battle. France and Australia were both 4 wins and 0 losses before the game. The outcome of this game will be related to who will meet the defending champion USA in advance.
France and Australia played fiercely from the beginning, and the two teams with close strength launched an attack, and the score rose alternately, which was very anxious. In the last 3 minutes of the last quarter, the two teams let the fans know what is called "fairy fight", all kinds of difficult breakthroughs and picturesque three points. 16.6 seconds before the end, the two teams tied at 98. In the last attack, the French team was forced to foul again because the forecourt ball was broken. With only 0.9 seconds left, the Australian team deliberately missed the last penalty and won the game 100-98.
In this competition, Australian team’s core defender Mills scored 30 points and French team Founier scored 31 points. This is the first time that both players scored 30+ points at the same time.
After watching the game, I left tears of envy. When will our China team be able to play such a pleasing game? We also want to see the China version of the Fairy Wars!
Asian and African brothers are struggling
On the evening of September 5th, the first stage group match of the basketball World Cup ended with the final whistle of the American team’s bloodbath of Japan. Eleven Asian and African teams, including the host team China, were all eliminated, and they could only participate in the 17-32 qualifying session.
There are six teams in Asia, namely, China, Japan, South Korea, Iran, the Philippines and Jordan. There are five teams in Africa, namely Nigeria, Tunisia, Angola, C? te d ‘Ivoire and Senegal.
In the first stage of the group stage, except for China, which defeated C? te d ‘Ivoire in the opening match, the other five Asian teams lost all three games, with no win, and many Asian teams lost by a big margin. In the 17-32 qualifying matches, Japan and the Philippines both lost, Jordan beat Senegal, China only won South Korea, and South Korea beat C? te d ‘Ivoire. Iran scored the best, they beat Angola first, and finally beat the Philippines by 20 points, and finally forced China to get the ticket to the Tokyo Olympic Games.
Although African teams have many talented players who even play in the NBA, their performance is unstable in the game. When they play, they improvise. When they are prosperous, they will collapse to the end. Their situation is not as good as that of Asian teams, and they are completely crushed by their opponents.
After all the games were played, the teams in Asia were 6-24 and the teams in Africa were 7-18. When the World Cup grouping was just announced, who would have thought that Asian and African teams would collectively miss the top 16? Asian and African brothers are really struggling in the international basketball competition.
Your uncle or your uncle?
Diamonds last forever, and one will last forever!
The 39-year-old Luis Scola led Argentina, which is in the transition from old to new, to beat Serbia, which ranked first in FIBA, in the quarterfinals and successfully advanced to the semifinals of the 2019 Basketball World Cup.
In the semi-final, Scola became angry again, and taught Gaubert, the best defensive player in NBA, to be a man. He scored 28 points and 13 rebounds in the whole game, helping the Argentine team reach the final of the World Series 15 years later. At the same time, Scola has scored 20+ in 16 games in the history of the World Cup, second only to the famous Brazilian Oscar Schmidt (23 games).
At the last moment of the quarter-final against Serbia, Scola, who was dragging his old body and his temples were white, jumped high, grabbed the key offensive rebounds and firmly controlled the victory in his own hands. At the last moment of the semi-final against France, Scola hit the horn in a row to seal the victory. After the whistle sounded at the end of the game, Scola and Ginobili, a famous Argentine on the sidelines, hugged each other tightly.
At the age of 39, why he can be so efficient on the field depends not only on talent, but also on self-discipline, hard work, attitude and determination to win or lose. Your uncle is still your uncle, if you refuse to accept it, you can’t!
During the 15-day basketball World Cup, China Mobile Mi Gu, as the exclusive broadcast platform of telecom operators in China, not only broadcasted all the games of China, but also launched the activity of "China Mobile 5G call for China", where users can participate in the interaction and generate exclusive fans’ cheering photos, so that "call for China" can lead the trend of friends circle. In addition, the topic of # call# for China # has also been strongly launched on social media platforms such as Weibo, attracting fans to participate.
This is the end of the 2019 Basketball World Cup. China has put all the bullets together. Although the World Cup tour is over, we still have a long way to go. Let’s continue to call for the China team in the future!
Xiongguan Man Road is as iron as iron, and now we are striding from the beginning. Team China, we support you!
(Image authorized by Mi Gu)
Source: China Daily.
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Manchester United 1-0 away from Bournemouth： Manchester United scored 1 point in the last two games and settled in the top four!

A dramatic and tense football match was officially staged on the evening of May 20th, Beijing time. Bournemouth played Manchester United at home. Next, let’s take a look at the wonderful game process.

Just eight minutes into the game, Manchester United took the lead. Eriksson’s cross, casemiro bravely entered the penalty area, and a beautiful volley side hook scored the first goal for Manchester United!

However, Bournemouth did not give up, and they also made a wonderful attack in the 27th minute. Solanke turned and shot low in the restricted area, but the ball was magically solved by Degea.

In the next game, Bournemouth continued to make threats, but Manchester United’s defense remained very stable. In the 34th minute, Bournemouth cooperated in the frontcourt, and Christie’s shot was blocked from the bottom line. Unfortunately, they didn’t seize the opportunity to equalize the score.

In the second half, Bournemouth stepped up their offensive, but Manchester United’s goal was still indestructible. In the 47th minute, Brooks volleyed into the penalty area and the ball was saved by Degea. In the 63rd minute, Wieghorst volleyed in the restricted area and was saved by Neto.

Finally, the game entered the stoppage time, and Bournemouth still didn’t find a chance to score. Degea’s brave performance prevented them from scoring, even though they made several solo moves.

At the end of the game, Manchester United beat Bournemouth 1-0 away. Because of another Liverpool 1-1 draw with Aston Villa, Manchester United secured the top four in two games after scoring 1 point.

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Goodbye, Paris! Barcelona’s two top wives took a happy photo, and Messi changed his mind for the retirement celebration.

Miami International, which has been rumored a lot before, is quite attractive in terms of salary and gift to the future franchise of the AFL. But Messi doesn’t want to leave the five major leagues so early, because Messi still wants to stay in shape and participate in the Copa America. Therefore, going to the United States to play football is not within Messi’s consideration, at least in these two years. Messi shook hands with Barcelona President laporta and smiled when he left the FIFA official award ceremony. This operation has made everyone see the reconciliation between Messi and laporta.