01.
A friend invited me to dinner, and when I paid the bill, I saw that he was very slow to pay, so I said, "Otherwise, I’ll pay!" "
"That how not bashful!"
"Nothing." So I put my hand into his pocket.
02.
At night, I can see many takeaway brothers rushing to deliver food, and suddenly feel very inspirational.
Others are still eating so late,What reason do I have not to eat?
03.
The husband came home from a business trip for a month and heard a noise in the room.
Pushing open the door and entering the room, I saw my wife running to the bathroom quickly.
The husband seemed to understand something and strode to the bedroom, as if the window were open.
However, living on the twentieth floor, my husband went to the window, saw the man and pushed him down in anger.
At that time, the wife also went to the window:"Mom, what about the master who repairs air conditioners?"
04.
Xiaoli went to the gym to lose weight, and everyone else was running hard on the treadmill, only she walked slowly.
She called the coach and shouted angrily, "Why can’t I run on this treadmill?"
The coach looked at her and said helplessly:"This has been opened to the maximum, and it becomes so slow as soon as you go up …"
05.
A few days ago, my throat was inflamed and I couldn’t speak, but the company leader asked me to take part in the chorus competition, saying that I could just fill in the numbers.
I didn’t feel so good, so I actively treated it and cured it before the game.
As a result, the game lost, and the leader sighed:"Why did you catch up with your voice at this time?"
06.
When I was a child, every time I walked at night, I felt someone following me.
As a result, I got into the habit of suddenly turning around after a few steps.
Ten years later, I became a tango dance teacher.
07.
On the operating table, the doctor is preparing to operate on the patient.
At this time, the patient glanced at the doctor, suddenly became nervous and shouted, "Somebody!" "
The doctor’s assistant came over and asked, "What are you yelling about and what are you doing?"
The patient said, "I want to change the surgeon."
"Why?"
In a trembling voice, the patient said to the doctor’s assistant, "I handle false certificates, and I handle his documents."
08.
When I went to my girlfriend’s house for the first time, I wanted to liven up the atmosphere and I was going to tell you a joke.
My girlfriend’s father said sternly, "There is a rule in my family that you can’t talk while eating."
Later, I came and went more often, and I became familiar with it. Every time I ate, my girlfriend’s father listened to my jokes.
The girlfriend asked her father in a low voice, "Have you forgotten our rules?"
Girlfriend father also quietly said:"This goods eat too fast, don’t let him talk, we have nothing to eat!"
09.
Daughter-in-law is busy doing housework at home, while husband is lying on the sofa playing mobile phone.
The child came up to his father and said, "Dad, you are amazing. I really admire you."
Dad said, "Why?"
The child said, "You are really capable of marrying such a good wife, being able to cook and do housework, having a good temper and making money, and being so beautiful."
After listening to this, Dad looked very pleased with himself.
At that time, the child went to his mother and said:"Mom, you can’t, see what you married?"
10.
I used to think that sincerity was priceless until later, when I went shopping.
The boss said:"If you really want it, I’ll give you two yuan cheaper."
11.
I saw an old man selling glasses on the roadside, and there were few people, so I wanted to support him.
He casually asked, "Grandpa, how much are these glasses?"
Grandpa said, "Girl, that doesn’t suit you. You have a big face. This one is more suitable for you."
I finally know why no one patronizes his business.
12.
One day, the wife suddenly asked her husband, "Do you love me?"
"Love, of course!" The husband’s desperate answer.
So, the wife thought about it and asked, "Are you afraid of hurting me, so you said it on purpose?"
Husband hurriedly added:"No, no, no, I’m afraid you’ll hurt me, so I said that!"
13.
A couple came to a law firm and wanted to talk to a lawyer about divorce.
The wife said angrily to the lawyer, "He still doesn’t understand why I want a divorce. From marriage to now, he never listens to what I say."
Husband immediately went on to say:"You are talking nonsense. You said you would come to the law firm this time. Didn’t I come?"
14.
You and your best friend have not seen each other for a long time.
Today, we met for dinner, and it was a pleasure to meet each other.
I talked intimately for 5 minutes and spoke ill of 10 people.
15.
Cloudy days are suitable for staring blankly, and rainy days are suitable for sleeping.
Sunny days are suitable for traveling, and in the long years,
I cann’t believe there’s not a day suitable for work
16.
There is a friend who runs a hotel, and I went there to have tea and chat.
During this period, a couple came to register the house. When the woman came in, she asked, "What is your wireless network password here?"
When they finished registering and went upstairs, the friend said:"Sister now, I have seen her for more than ten times, and she still pretends to be here for the first time."
17.
Today, I went shopping and passed a pancake stall. I felt that the boss’s pancake stall was interesting, so I silently watched it.
After a long time, the boss made another pancake, threw it directly, and said to me, "Get out, get out."
I got angry at that time, grabbed the pancake and ate it hard.
Eat and scold said:"You wait, I will come again!"
18.
A beautiful woman got off the taxi and left her camera in the back seat.
The driver quickly put his head out of the window and shouted at the beauty:"Beauty, your camera."
The beauty turned red and left without looking back.
Then, the taxi driver drove away directly.
As a result, the beauty chased the taxi and shouted, "Master, my camera, my camera!" "
19.
Four dreams that men want:
There is a cook at home and a beautiful one in the office.
There is a bitch around, and there is a miss in the distance.
20.
One day, I suddenly asked my mother, "Mom, what am I to you?"
Mom gave me a look and said:"You are mom’s mental retardation!"
21.
It’s been half a month. Why haven’t you delivered the goods?
Dear, we will deal with it as soon as possible. Please be patient.
Dear, the goods have been delivered to you here. Would you please cancel the complaint?
"Ok, please wait patiently!"
I will handle it as soon as possible, dear.
22.
Dear friends, please take care of yourself.
Medical students who have taken online courses for four years next year.
I’m going to see you.
23.
Son, what will you do if you don’t get married?
Dad, I really don’t want to get married. I’m tired of seeing women.
Does that mean your mother is annoyed when you see it?
Aren’t you bored?
"Here, there are some."
24.
Mom said that when I was a child, I wouldn’t cry when I drank milk, and I would sleep peacefully.
As a result, I fainted when I grew up drinking milk. I went to the hospital for a check-up and was allergic to milk.
"When I was a child, I just passed out!"
25.
Brother, how come your electric car is dead, and now it can’t ride.
I know the battery is running out.
Huh? Then why didn’t you tell me when I used it?
I didn’t say much because I was afraid that you would misunderstand me and say that I was stingy and didn’t want you to ride a bike.
26.
Sleeping late and staying in bed is the minimum respect for weekends.
I woke up at this point if I didn’t play well today.
It was my fault.
27.
The Chinese New Year is coming soon. Those with family groups can give me a hand.
It’s the kind that always gives out red envelopes during the New Year.
Money is not important.
The important thing is to be a family.
28.
When I was in college, I liked a girl. In order to express my love for her, I ordered two cups of milk tea every day, one for her and one for me.
Milk tea is sweet, and her smile is sweeter.
So I persisted every day, and finally one day, the two of us lived together.
This feeling is very wonderful. Two people live in a ward because of high blood sugar!
29.
How’s your new job going?
Just a few days after I went there, I became one with my colleagues.
Really? I was worried that you didn’t adapt.
What is there to worry about?I can fight so well that I won’t suffer.
30.
My girlfriend always dislikes me here and me there. What about your girlfriend?
My girlfriend doesn’t care about you at all. Why do you have nothing to ask my girlfriend?
Besides, I have to have a girlfriend first!
# Humorous jokes # # Cold jokes #
